College fraternity procedure provided valuable life lessons in scrutiny, criticism

FROM MY FRONT PORCH

College fraternity procedure provided valuable life lessons in scrutiny, criticism

SAM HOUSTON

Sam Houston is the publisher of the Hood County News. He is also an actor, author, playwright, performer and entertainment producer/promoter.

It seems like many years ago, (which of course it is), but while at college I joined a fraternity. There are those of you who may think being in a fraternity is nothing more than a drunken four-year party, but my experience was far from such. I attended a small men’s college, and the fraternity houses were the source of all college life. Admittedly there was drinking involved, but for my experiences in a fraternity house, there were a lot of positives that helped shape me and my future.

For one thing, it brought a bunch of young men together who had different values, different backgrounds, and different beliefs and by the very nature of living together, compelled them to learn how to get along and survive their collegiate experience. Many times, it was peer pressure in a good way. If a guy did not clean his room, do his laundry, or study, there were a host of “brothers” to let him know he was off the beaten path.

It forced all of us to learn about the world other than the limited one we knew from our high school experiences and home. It broadened our horizons and helped us to make choices about what we wanted to do with our lives and make of ourselves. We were supportive of each other when one of us was down, tough on each other when needed to be, and always emotionally tied to one another. Some 45 years later I look back and know there will never be people in my life to whom I am any closer.

One of the unique and special things about our chapter meetings is we had a time that was called Scrutiny and Criticism. It came at the end of the meeting. The roll was called and each man in turn, had to take the center of the room and stand there while the rest of the group could say anything they wanted; and I mean anything. It was a time of confrontation for bad behavior and special recognition if you had performed admirably.

You would be told you acted like a horse’s behind at the last social, you regularly left the bathroom counter a mess, your personal hygiene was a wreck, or a host of other things. It also offered the opportunity to say something personal and supportive. The person being criticized could not respond, only listen. This process continued until everyone in the room had taken a turn in the center.

This system could be purifying while at the same time it was both humbling and terrifying. It gave men a chance to speak man to man, in front of each other, and deal with problems straight out. When it was my turn to stand, there were times when I was told of transgressions. Initially I may have thought the comments were unfair or undeserved, but upon reflection I realized the words were not said to wound, but to resolve disputes or make me a better person and a better man.

I cannot express how frank and direct some of these confrontations would be, and when the roll had been called and the exercise was completed, we would all say in unison, “What you see, what you hear, when you leave, leave it here”. In other words, no grudges, no backstabbing or infighting, just reflection and growth.

I have come to know of the power of Scrutiny and Criticism. I wish in today’s world, such a process would be replicated and utilized. It would compel people to be honest with each other, it would correct a lot of behavior in folks, and teach people to accept and learn from criticism. Maybe people would not be so sensitive and have their feelings hurt when everything does not go their way. Maybe people would be told when their behavior was inappropriate or destructive.

There are those who might say social media allows us to do this, but they would be incorrect. Social media is exactly the opposite of what Scrutiny and Criticism was about, because it allows people to say just about anything without having to have the fortitude to say it to someone’s face. All too often the posts are self-serving or demeaning, rather than intended to promote good and harmony.

Social media has its place, but we would all be better off if we spoke eye to eye when there is an issue, rather than speaking through the prism of social media.

Thought for the day: Remember to not only say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

Until next time, I will be ridden the storm out.

sam@hcnews.com | 817-573-7066, ext. 260