Mom is a marathon runner

Dear Frankie,

My mom is a health nut. Besides organic food, toothpaste, clothes and probiotics, she also runs marathons. At least six months before the race, she is out there pounding the pavements regardless of the weather. My motto has always been, “To each his own.” But that idea goes over with her like a lead balloon.

So, here’s the rub, my mom insists I run with her four days a week. She says it’s good for me, improves my breathing, expands my horizons, and it’s a time for us to be together. The last reason is a joke. After a half-mile, I can hardly walk, let alone keep up with her. Do you think it’s appropriate for an 11-year-old dog that gets cracked paws and has a touch of arthritis to be training with a marathon runner?

Signed,

Lem

Dear Lem,

Talk about self-involved. Why in heaven’s name would she think someone your age and arthritic would be capable of running four days a week? Here are some strategies to stop any activity that borders on animal abuse.

First, on the days she runs, hide. Second, if she tries to tempt you with a cookie, don’t fall for it. I know refusing the cookie will take much restraint. But think of the option. However, if she is so hot about you going with her on the run, demand she buys you a stroller.

Eventually, it should occur to her that you don’t want to go for a run. Remember to make a big deal when she returns to show her how much you missed her. You want to communicate that it wasn’t being with her that you objected to but rather the activity. 

Best,

Frankie