The joys, mysteries of marriage are no joke

FROM MY FRONT PORCH

The joys, mysteries of marriage are no joke

SAM HOUSTON

Sam Houston is the publisher of the Hood County News. He is also an actor, author, playwright, performer and entertainment producer/promoter.

There is an old saying that declares there are three different kinds of rings during marriage. There is the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and then the suffer-ring. It is hard to hear that old joke and not crack at least a little smile. The joke is not told here in an attempt to make a mockery of the institution of marriage, but rather to acknowledge the long and continuing struggle marriage brings.

I have a unique family for one reason; The Houstons marry and stay married for a long time. My grandparents were married just a month or two short of 74 years!  There are not many people who will surpass that record of longevity. I also have two aunts/uncles who were married for more than 70 years! All my aunts and uncles were married more than 60 years, with the lone family exception being my folks who only made 58 and that is because my dad passed.

Many times, I have sat and examined all those married relationships to see what they had in common and how they were different from each other. What made this group of people stick together when so many couples don’t make it?

The conclusion I drew was, each one of the couples were committed to each other. People nowadays seem to say the word commitment, but I am not sure they really and truly “live” the commitment. All the family members I referred to would have given their last drop of life to their mate, and never considered doing otherwise. They stayed together even when things were rough during the Great Depression, when they lived through rationing and uncertainty during World War II, or when children were sick, hurt or troubled. Oh, they had plenty of problems to face, plenty of challenges to confront, and fears to overcome, but each couple did it together, never wavering on their course and never losing faith in their partner.

It is a little humorous to reflect on, but I would have never chosen my dad to be with my Mom. She was gregarious, fun loving and outgoing almost to a fault, while my Dad was quiet and reserved and very seldom smiled or laughed out loud. Yet, they were a true team in every sense of the word. If Dad was digging out tree stumps Mom would have a shovel digging right alongside him, doing work no woman should have to do.

At the same time, when they were done and walked in the back door, dad was just as likely to turn to mom and say, “Give me the dirty clothes you have on so I can throw them in the washer, then I will start some dinner. You go jump in the bath and relax for minute. I will wash up when you get done.” They were a team! Marriage truly worked for them. While love might make a heart flutter, it is the commitment, devotion and dedication to each other that creates an enduring marriage.

I am the black sheep of the family (perhaps for more reasons than one!). The mother of my two children and I ended our relationship after seven years. Not even 10% of the length of my parents’ marriage. Sometimes I look back and while I can recite my ex-wife’s failures with specificity, I also know I was not the perfect husband and at some level failed to make the absolute commitment my grandfather made to his bride. Is it the contemporary time we live in, or the time they lived in, or is there a difference? Guess that is an answer I will always want.

At the end of this year, I will be married five years. After my first wife I was single for many, many years. I never gave up on marriage and hoped one day I would find the right woman to truly commit to and hoped she would do the same with me. I am certain I have many shortcomings and am far from the perfect husband, but with age, I have learned marriage is something for which you sacrifice, because your partner’s happiness means more to you than your own. I have fallen short many times in life, but I hope this is one commitment where I never falter.

In the meantime, one of our young reporters at the paper is getting married this fall. She is giddy and excited, and this past week she and her beau were shopping around trying to get an offer in on a house. Her happiness overflows like pouring a gallon of water in a quart container. She has been smiling nonstop and I truly wish her and her future husband all the happiness in the world. I wish them the very best in life and urge them to live the commitment to each other the institution of marriage truly requires.

Granddad told me on their wedding night he and Grandma made a promise to each other. He would make all the major decisions in their marriage, and she would make all the minor ones. He would proudly proclaim in nearly 74 years of marriage, there was never one major decision. Then he would look at me, wink, and say, “I sure do have a fine wife.” He was 100% right.

Thought for the day: In every good marriage it pays for someone to be a little deaf!

Until next time, I will keep ridin’ the storm out…

sam@hcnews.com | 817-573-7066, ext. 260